Explanation

I know you noticed I got upset. I saw it on your face. So many years without any issues, but now this.
I totally understand, and under different circumstances, my reaction would have been different, too.

But yesterday was not just another day. It was the first day of school, and first days are always hard.

I stood in the hallway watching the children walking by with their teachers aware of the lump in my throat.

Perhaps it was the fact that I had been up before 4 a.m. to tend to him and was unable to sleep much after that.

Perhaps it was the fact that instead of preparing a lunch box, I prepared three bags filled with medical supplies, extra clothes, and diapers.

Perhaps it was the fact that my first visit to the school involved a stop by the nurse's office to talk about epilepsy medications.

Or was it the smiling faces of children on Facebook on their first day of school, reminiscent of a "perfect life"?

Silly, I know. There is no such a thing. Yet I felt envy, but my envy is complicated. Truth is, I don't want what they have. I want what I have, but it hurts.

So when you said my child could not come back because he has loose stools, the walls holding back the pressure building up that morning started to give way.

I am sure you could see the tears behind my eyes. I became silent... I started giving you only short answers, and I feel bad now because I know I made you uncomfortable.

As I pushed my son's wheelchair across the school entrance to take him home, my tears started to fall. No more holding back. Enough. How long had they been there?

Now you know the reason why.