New Eyes

I wrote this poem in response to John 1:1-18 as part of a spiritual exercise suggested in the devotional, "Meditations on the Birth of Jesus. A Renovaré Advent Resource for Spiritual Renewal" by Miriam Dixon and Margaret Campbell. December 1st In the Beginning You were there among them One more in the crowd They did not recognize you In fact, they turned their backs on you They walked away They left you alone But you did not leave Instead, you placed your tent in a dry land And promised to be water and bread Help me come out of that crowd Help me come to you May I ask for water and drink May I taste your bread and gain strength May I come to dwell beside you May I confess with unwavering lips, “From His fullness we have all received,  grace upon grace” December 3rd John 1:1-18 Light, help me see you. Life, help me receive you. Flesh, help me be your dwelling place. December 5th I wrote

Once upon a time I sat here with you in my arms. Once upon a time I kissed you and stroked your hair. Once upon a time we dozed off, and daddy took a picture of us. Once upon a time... Once upon a time I was awakened by your calls. Once upon a time I made my way down the stairs in the middle of the night. Once upon a time I changed your diaper and laid down next to you. Once upon a time... Once upon a time I rocked you on my lap. Once upon a time I sang to you a dozen melodies. Once upon a time I had you here with me... Once upon a time...

This conversation occurred sometime in January of 2019. Things were starting to change for Daniel too. "Mom, will Caleb ever talk?" "No" "Will he walk?" "No" "Will he see?" "He does. He blinks when we turn on the lights, and a few times he seems to have looked directly at me." "But I don't think he has seen me . I don't think he has seen Inu ." "He may have. It's hard to know." "Will he ever learn to say at least one word?" "Would you like him to say something?" A nod ensues. "What word would you like him to say?" "Any!" "Do you sometimes wish your brother were like any other brother?" Another nod. "Does it make you sad that he isn't?" Another nod. "I wish the two of you could come and talk to me in the kitchen while I cook... like my brothers and I would when we got home from school. It makes me sa

This essay was first published in Prenatal Partners for Life's newsletter:  http://prenatalpartnersforlife.org/ A Beautiful Boy My son Caleb was born with trisomy 13 in March of 2010 and died this May. I could tell you about all his medical problems and the sleepless nights doing his cares. I could tell you about his profound developmental delay and all the things he couldn’t do. I could tell you about how we went from a difficult first year of life, to a few years of good health, and from there to a couple years of declining health, multiple hospital stays and finally his death. However, I would be leaving out the most important part: himself. Caleb was like a song from a secret garden: sweet, serene, with high and low notes, with quiet moments and those when the intensity rose, and yes, a tinge of sadness, of melancholy. Caleb’s life was simple: wake up, get cares, be fed, spend time rolling on the floor, spend time sitting in a wheelchair while piano mus

He was a beautiful boy He was He was

El Señor dice: «Se oye una voz en Ramá, de alguien que llora amargamente. Es Raquel, que llora por sus hijos, y no quiere ser consolada porque ya están muertos.»  Jeremías 31:15 (DHH) No me digas que mi hijo ya no sufre Porque no quiero ser consolada No me digas que ya está en un mejor lugar Porque no quiero ser consolada No me digas que algún día lo veré de nuevo Porque no quiero ser consolada No me digas que el dolor disminuye con el tiempo Porque no quiero ser consolada Guarda silencio Llora conmigo Porque no quiero ser consolada

¿Qué sentiste, María? ¿Sentiste que te faltaba el aire? ¿Querías correr y bajarlo de esa cruz tú misma? ¿Ir en contra de la voluntad del Padre? ¿Qué pensaste, María? ¿Te habría gustado retroceder el tiempo? ¿Que volviera a ser un niño y tenerlo entre tus brazos? ¿Prometerle que lo protegerías? Imagino tu dolor, María. "Mujer, he ahí tu hijo" exclamó al verte. No, no ibas a quedarte sola, pero nada, absolutamente nada, puede reemplazar al hijo que perdiste.

It's true you are in a better place now but the truth is I want you here with me It's true that now you can do so many things but the truth is nothing had to change for me to love you more People tell me, "Now he can walk" They don't know that offers no relief Because the truth is that even now all I want is a happy Caleb rolling on the floor My prayer was never you would walk someday I never prayed you'd talk I wanted you to see me And I believe you did Perhaps you saw me through your ears You turned to me You smiled at me You got excited when you heard me at the door No, people don't understand how come I would trade Heaven They don't know the void you've left Comfort will come Other Truths will settle in my heart But for now the truth is I wish you were still here

Juan 11:1-44 NVI Había un hombre enfermo llamado Lázaro, que era de Betania, el pueblo de María y Marta, sus hermanas.  2  María era la misma que ungió con perfume al Señor, y le secó los pies con sus cabellos.  3  Las dos hermanas mandaron a decirle a Jesús: «Señor, tu amigo querido está enfermo». 4  Cuando Jesús oyó esto, dijo:  «Esta enfermedad no terminará en muerte, sino que es para la gloria de Dios, para que por ella el Hijo de Dios sea glorificado». 5  Jesús amaba a Marta, a su hermana y a Lázaro.  6  A pesar de eso, cuando oyó que Lázaro estaba enfermo, se quedó dos días más donde se encontraba.  7  Después dijo a sus discípulos: —Volvamos a Judea. 8  —Rabí —objetaron ellos—, hace muy poco los judíos intentaron apedrearte, ¿y todavía quieres volver allá? 9  —¿Acaso el día no tiene doce horas?  —respondió Jesús—.  El que anda de día no tropieza, porque tiene la luz de este mundo.   10  Pero el que anda de noche sí tropieza, porque no tiene luz. 11  Dicho esto, añ

John 11: 1-44   New International Version (NIV) Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany,  the village of Mary and her sister Martha.   2  (This Mary, whose brother Lazarus now lay sick, was the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped his feet with her hair.)   3  So the sisters sent word to Jesus, “Lord, the one you love  is sick.” 4  When he heard this, Jesus said,  “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory  so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” 5  Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.   6  So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days, 7  and then he said to his disciples,  “Let us go back to Judea.” 8  “But Rabbi,”  they said, “a short while ago the Jews there tried to stone you,  and yet you are going back?” 9  Jesus answered,  “Are there not twelve hours of daylight? Anyone who walks in the daytime will not stumble, for they see by this world’s light. 10  It is when a pers