A Beautiful Boy

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This essay was first published in Prenatal Partners for Life's newsletter: http://prenatalpartnersforlife.org/



A Beautiful Boy



My son Caleb was born with trisomy 13 in March of 2010 and died this May. I could tell you about all his medical problems and the sleepless nights doing his cares. I could tell you about his profound developmental delay and all the things he couldn’t do. I could tell you about how we went from a difficult first year of life, to a few years of good health, and from there to a couple years of declining health, multiple hospital stays and finally his death. However, I would be leaving out the most important part: himself.

Caleb was like a song from a secret garden: sweet, serene, with high and low notes, with quiet moments and those when the intensity rose, and yes, a tinge of sadness, of melancholy. Caleb’s life was simple: wake up, get cares, be fed, spend time rolling on the floor, spend time sitting in a wheelchair while piano music played, or even better yet (from my point of view), in mommy’s arms. Caleb was surrounded by good people: those of us who loved him from before he was born, those who cared for him —his nanny, his nurses, his teachers, his friends. Caleb changed the tone and the beat of our family life from those of a typical family to those of a family with a special needs child.

As I reflect on the legacy of my son in my own life, I can attest that he brought a lot of depth. He helped me reset my expectations, and his simple, modest life exposed the idols of performance and achievement I had built. He helped me reflect on what really matters, on the value God places on “the least of these,” and on what true beauty is: that which delights the heart and brings out the best in us. No need to perform, no need for good looks —just a gentle, innocent, and quiet spirit. My son was a beautiful boy in the true sense of the word. 

*The song that inspired me to write this piece was "Poéme" by Secret Garden

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