What I Have and Have Not Done

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When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died." John 11:32


I haven't fallen at his feet.
I haven't said, "Lord, if you had been here, my son would not have died."
I haven't praised his name and declared, "The Lord gave, the Lord has taken away."
Yet I have screamed like Job: "People are dying right and left, groaning in torment. The wretched cry out for help and God does nothing, acts like nothing’s wrong!"

I was able to steady my feet before my son died on the foundation of faith, faith in a God who gives, but does not take away. When he left, so did hope. My footsteps were no longer firm. He died, and she was next. She named and claimed. She believed He could heal her... and all I could say to myself was: "The wretched cry out for help and God does nothing..." I joined Job in calling God names, "The One Who Doesn't Care," "The Mocker of the Innocent..."

God let me talk and talk. He let me present my case against Him, the proofs I had of his disdain. And then He spoke. He spoke to me gently, through whispers of his Word. He used a cat, something I could touch. I haven't depleted his patience. God has not run out of love.

I am able to steady my feet once again on the foundation of faith, faith in a God who gives, but does not take away.

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