A Very Good Day

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Saturday, September 26th, 2020 was a very good day, a day like I hadn't enjoyed in a very long time. 

"Can we go to the nearby Goodwill store? I wanna see if they have dumbbells." After my initial —and predictable— statement to the contrary of the likelihood, Daniel reminded me that he had found a 15-pound kettle bell in a Goodwill store. 

"But we'll go to Trader Joe's afterwards," I warned.

"At this age, you have to follow his lead." The words of the child life specialist have proven to be true; nothing else works. Daniel's awkwardness with us disappears only when we do things on his terms. 

Right now, only a handful of things get him excited: weight lifting, playing videogames with his friends, finding free stuff in the neighborhood alleys, and buying sports equipment for cheap. 

"Mami, I really wanna get this. Hit me! You won't hurt me." Daniel had put on his most recent treasured Goodwill finding: a blue punching vest. By the time we went back home, Daniel had talked to me more than he had the entire week. Our shopping trip, which included a stop by Micro Center to get a USB he needed, had turned into a very pleasant time with my 14 year-old. I was on cloud 9.

"Papi, mami, you should exercise in the gym." His gym, the one he put together this summer, and the reason our garage was finally cleaned out, has become a source of pride and enjoyment for Daniel. I noticed how pleased he was that both Paul and I were using it too. For the Nth time that Saturday, I was overwhelmed with gratitude and a subtle joy while I watched my usually quiet and distant son talk to us, talk to me, with excitement and confidence. Yet... I also realized that this evening, the fact that the three of us were in his gym together without time pressure nor any other concern, was possible only because my other son was no longer with us. For nine years life had revolved around Caleb. 




"Make sure to tell the baby: 'Baby, now it's Daniel's turn. I'm going to spend time with Daniel now.' Say it out loud so Daniel can hear you." That was the advice a nurse practitioner gave me to deal with normal sibling jealousy before Caleb was born, before we learned he had trisomy 13. A new baby always robs siblings of some of the attention they've received. Caleb was no exception, and as he grew and his health needs grew with him, my forever baby needed more and more of my time. 

"Perhaps, now is Daniel's turn..." I thought as I watched him that evening in his gym. He was trying to teach me a couple exercises. He was thinking and focused. He talked with his dad about free weights, and bench presses, and other equipment he hopes to buy. As much as it hurts not to have Caleb with us, I realize that now it is Daniel's turn.


Photo by Vanna Contreras at Monfil Photography






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